Slow down, live life, work later?
Wait a minute. That is not what I’ve been told. I’m supposed to work hard now so I can take off and play later, right?
Aren’t we supposed to work really hard so that we can enjoy the good life?
Perhaps that’s the right plan for you. There isn’t a right or wrong answer, but I’m going to suggest that the plan may be a little bit different for me.
…OK, a lot different.
I’m entering into the prime earning years of my life and I’m feeling very convicted to slow down, take time off, live life now, and work more later.
My conviction is not to stop working now, but to do enough to provide. Along with that, to live simply–well below our means–so I can work a comfortable amount and maintain a comfortable lifestyle (note: years of pursuing and being debt free does make my plan easier; my overnight success has taken 20 years).
I know this plan is counter-cultural to what most believe, so let me explain.
First, my kids.
They aren’t going to be around me forever.
My youngest is 8 years old. My oldest at home is 13. I have little time left with them before they’re off and living in the world on their own. I will always be there for them, but the next 5-10 years are critical years for me to pour into them, to raise them into strong men.
I’m not going to accomplish that from the office, or while traveling for work. Instead, it’s going to take spending time with them.
I don’t mean by just being home, but being their teacher, their coach, their friend, and obviously their parent.
They need me to be there with them.
Can I build a big business as well?
Perhaps I can over the next 5-10 years. I’m not suggesting that it can’t be done. But I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know the demands and the sacrifices that come with building a business.
Sacrifice for success is admired and glorified. But what are we sacrificing?
I can say that I’m going to build a big bad business and not sacrifice my relationships along the way, but that is more likely wishful thinking than reality. Something will have to give and it’s almost always our most important relationships.
I know that the more I do with business, the more I think about it. The more I think about it, the more I won’t be present. And I don’t even want to chance this. If I say that my family is most important to me, my actions need to reflect this.
I think of it this way: If a house is being built, I would not put my 8-year-old son in the hole while the excavator is digging.
Why? Because it would be dangerous, and I don’t want him to get hurt.
I need to recognize that letting him grow up without me because I’m working too much is equally as dangerous. It may not be physically dangerous (although it can be) but it is putting him in harm’s way.
If I won’t let him play near the excavator, I need to have the same attitude toward letting him grow up without me. I’m not going to play with his life by gambling that my ambition to build a big business and make a lot of money won’t harm him.
I recently heard someone say that her business was like her baby. It is true. It requires care and nurturing just like a child. When you get this, you can understand why something has to give.
I’m going to say what so many won’t say…
And I know this won’t be popular among the masses:
I watch–and I can be guilty of this as well–many people sacrifice their families for money. They say they’re pursuing making more money for their families, doing it for them, but they’re often lying to themselves. They’re doing it selfishly and using their families as an excuse.
The world wants to entice them with “bigger is better,” and “more is better,” and it wants to convince them that they don’t have enough. What better way to get you to not be there for your family than to say you aren’t doing enough, that you don’t have enough, or that what you’re providing is inadequate?
Don’t buy into the lie or try to convince others to do so.
My 10-Year Plan:
There are things that I do very well in my business, that come easily to me. I’m going to focus on giving my all to those things during the time that I work. I will let the business grow organically from there if it’s meant to.
But for the next 10 years, I will do my absolute best at what I do well in order to provide for my family today.
For this to work, I need to keep life simply. I need to keep our needs low. If my ambitions are for worldly things, I won’t have enough to provide, and I’ll have to work more.
My vision has to be clear: my family is what’s most important, and my actions need to support this.
My ambition doesn’t need to go away. It just doesn’t need to be steered by what society thinks is right.
I’ll be older, I’ll be wiser and I’ll feel good about how I brought my kids up. I think that will make me a better speaker and coach.
(Note: For making life decisions like these, it’s essential to have a Vision. Your Vision is a clear, written description of what your complete, ideal life looks like. If you don’t have your own Vision yet, here’s a simple resource that can help you start the process for yourself.)
Another reason this works for me is because I do like to work. The thought of working hard today so I’ll never have to work again just doesn’t make much sense to me.
In fact, when the kids are grown up and out of the house, my wife and I will probably be scrambling to find something to do. Maybe that is the time to start building something big, at least working more, or traveling to share the Lifeonaire message more.
I also don’t know how much longer I have on this planet. And I know that I want to make the most of it.
One thing I don’t want to regret is how I parented. I want to raise great men. Because of this, I’ll be intentional. Yes, I’ll give my all to my business when I work, but I’ll also be content with whatever it provides, recognizing that it gives me the opportunity to be the best father I can be.
I confess that I need to muster up a lot of courage to make a shift like this and to speak this aloud.
Do you have the courage to do the same? Will you take the steps to be able to make a change like this? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
This is an awesome plan and vision. I just came into Lifeonaire in March, because I knew I needed help with making the right choices and decisions. This is the kind of support and coaching that I need and want, and am so glad to say I am getting this.m now.
I know from experience how important it is to make our children and family the priority over work and business. My husband passed away with a very fast growing cancer when my 2 youngest were 10 and 15 years old. He worked to much. The only reason he had as much time as he did with them is because we homeschooled them. He had surgery to remove his lung, and in the hospital before this he realized he needed to stop working to much and make a change. But it was to late. He passed away the day after the surgery. So you are so wise not to wait for what you can do today. Like you said to not have regrets, because none of us know how long we have for quality time to impact our families and those around us.
Thank you for sharing and making a difference to lead others in thinking differently.
Sorry to hear of your loss Karin. My kids are grown and out now. Looking back, I spent most of my time just like Steve said, selfishly building my business and sacrificing the quality of our family connection. Now it takes everything i have to find and cherish those most fragile of memories that fade.
So, yes, gather up those young ones, call off the normal activities of the day, leave the sink full of dirty dishes, and go make the best of times with the ones you love.
Best of all to you! Welcome to Lifeonaire.
Great advice Ryan!
Thanks Steve: A particularly great article among your many. In medicine I get to see how life can change in an instant for a person and/or family when something unexpected happens. All the stuff people are going to get to never happens. And to your point, our most valuable treasures, our kids, need work and attention to help them grow in the direction we want and are responsible for guiding them. It is important to keep 1st things 1st and keep the intentional use of our time in order
Kooch,
“our most valuable treasures”- I like that one!
Pure wisdom. I agree whole heartedly. Over the last several years I have experienced that conviction you describe in my heart. I would work 50 hours per week to stir up a deal and nothing would happen. Nothing. Then I would kick my anxiety In the face and take a few days off just to spend with family even if it was just lounging by the pool or bike riding. Or nothing for that matter. Low and behold God would deliver a large unexpected pay day that I couldn’t have made possible with any amount of hours.
Since then I have been guarding my time and focusing our obedience toward Him and if I am being honest, I am praying he brings more of those opportunities more often, although that may be selfish of me to pray that.
Great post Steve. This validated what I have been wanting more of in my life and it’s great to know others share it as well.
I hear you Steve and I agree. I’m pushing 60 and my kids are grown but I don’t think I ever put work before family. I saw too many broken marriages of “successful “ people and too many examples of wayward children as a result. I was by no means perfect but I tried to balance work and family.
I was sitting on the back deck the other night grilling some burgers and listening to some music while my grown kids were over visiting. Cat’s in the Cradle came on and we had a discussion about whether or not they thought I was that kind of dad while they were growing up. They all agreed I was not. Made me feel great of course.
But, back to your plan, now that I have the time to work hard and put in the hours I really don’t want to. I’m convinced that a simple life is a rewarding life. Although I want to have a successful and lucrative business, I’m not willing to sacrifice my simple life in order to have it. Good news is, I don’t think I have to.
Hi Tim,
I suspect that I’ll have the same mindset. Simple is good. But one of my points is to not work so hard now so you don’t have to later. I’ll want something to do later, but not because I have to 😉
I may have been one of those dads that tried too hard to make what I considered a good life. I did work a lot during the week trying to build a business renting houses along with a full time job where I also worked a lot of overtime. The one thing I did do was reserve the weekends for my kids. We spent most of them at a lake during the summer. During the winter we were in church every week. I am lucky my kids all turned out pretty good. I still don’t have what I consider a lot of cash to do what I want, but I have a lake house along with my own home. My children and grandchildren come whenever they can and most of the time we have fun. When we are at home, we all are in church. Seems pretty good to me, but if I had Lifonaire 20 years ago I may have done some things differently!
Great thoughts and great comments guys.
I guess it comes down to its different for everyone.
I am currently 64, have 4 adult children and divorced. I had a wonderful marriage for almost 40 yrs. I suspect one of the biggest reasons this surprising event to place is because of what Steve talks about here. I worked to much. I thought at the time I was doing the right thing. Something I always prided myself on. After work I worked at home a lot. I thought it was ok because I was around my family, being a productive provider so that later in life we could spend quality time together. I never missed any of my kids events and helped coach my boys in the team sports. I never really noticed that we were becoming more emotionally distant. When my youngest was about to leave the nest, so did my wife, with another man.
I don’t say this for people to feel sorry for me or see me as a victim. My hope is that others can learn from my story. Your family should be your priority.
My why is my kids. Even at this point I want to spend time with them as much as I can. That’s my reason for joining Lifeonaire. I wanted help with direction on how I can gain the freedom to travel and see my kids whenever I want. Starting over is tough at this age. It’s nice to have others for guidance and insight.
As far as Cats in the Craddle Tim, I feel like I’m living that song with my oldest son. He actually sent me that about 5 yrs ago. I’m still working trying to figure out how to retire at least from being an employee, and he is try to build a career. I’m starting to think the same thing Tim. I’ve been running hard with the ball for a long time. Not sure I want to do that any more.
Great article and good for thought Steve. We are all in different places in life